Baseball, Boob Tubery

Things I Learned from Ken Burns’ The Tenth Inning

  • 10thinning.jpgDid you know Cal Ripken saved baseball? Really, he saved baseball. I know that’s not the way you remember it happening at the time, but some guy showing up every day saved baseball. Just keep repeating it, Cal
    Ripken saved baseball. What, you still don’t believe Cal Ripken saved baseball? Okay, you’re gonna need to go to one of Bud Selig’s reeducation camps.
  • Every single non-Yankee fanbase is long-suffering and star-crossed.
  • The explosion of steroid use in baseball can be traced solely to Fay Vincent’s overzealousness in pursuing the “epidemic” of recreational drug use, which was in turn caused by the the journalistic epidemic of insisting that recreational drug use in sports was an epidemic.
  • Collusion? I’m sorry, you must be thinking of a word that doesn’t exist.
  • Joe Torre is largely responsible for the turnaround in George Steinbrenner’s reputation, which is a good thing for some unspecified reason.
  • The wild card added more excitement to the game by adding another round to the playoffs. You’ll have to take our word on this, because we won’t be showing any footage from these playoffs.
  • Only the 1996 Yankees actually won the World Series. Every other “championship” team just lost theirs so some anonymous opponent could reap the undeserved reward (see: 2001 Diamondbacks, 2003 Marlins).
  • Kevin Millar is much more responsible for the 2004 Red Sox’ historic comeback than all the other guys on the team who were actually good at baseball.
  • On the one hand, baseball had no serious anti-PED policy until 20 years into the so-called steroid era, and it can not be conclusively said steroids are the sole reason for the offensive explosion of the 1990s. On the other hand, HOME RUNS ARE SACRED AND WHENEVER YOU INJECT STEROID PILLS, BABY JESUS WEEPS HOLY BABY TEARS!
  • After the terrorist attacks of September 11, the Yankees’ postseason exploits lifted the hearts of their fans, who before then had almost no media exposure and very little to cheer for.
  • Nothing else baseball-related happened in New York, post-9/11 that might have helped people cope. Also, we have always been at war with Eurasia.
  • The only thing more disturbing than Jon Miller saying “VORP” and “OPS” over and over again with contempt and confusion would be if he said it while wearing clown makeup.
  • Barry Bonds’ titanic home runs are sadly tainted, while David Ortiz’s remain free of suspicion.
  • There may have been some teams other than the Yankees and Red Sox in Major League Baseball in the 1990s and 2000s, but Ken Burns’ instruments are not fine enough to capture them.
  • Bud Selig has done an excellent job on curtailing all of the terrible things he let happen under his watch for a few decades.
  • Jeffrey Maier? Who’s that?
  • You know that fantastic, unbelievable thing your favorite team did that blew your mind and reaffirmed your love of the game? Yeah, we don’t have that. Bob Costas needs the air time.