In addition to seeing the worst show in the history of time this weekend, I also saw a boatload of ads for a show that debuted Sunday on The Travel Channel called Mancations. This is apparently a show for men who hate both women and puns that make sense. I haven’t been confronted with “wordplay” so forced since I heard David Cross tell tale of encountering a Mexican restaurant that sold something called The Taco-erminator.
I’m never going to watch Mancations. Even if I stumble upon it while channel surfing, I will not linger. I know exactly what this is: Two bros who are kind of shlubby in an acceptable-for-TV way broin’ out. You could not create a show with less appeal to me if you tried, and I hate the implication that dumb women ruin men’s vacations, and their lives.
We do not live in the world of lite beer commercials. Women of the 21st century do not actually drag their poor, suffering boyfriends to the opera, or to the mall so you can watch them try on clothes. More than ever, the lives and interests of men and women intersect. We no longer live in a society where men go off and do Their Thing and women do likewise, usually in the kitchen.
I don’t know about any other fellas out there, but I prefer hanging out in mixed company, rather than with all dudes. Because when it’s just dudes in a room, they tend to do idiotic things like text pictures of their junk or write episodes of Two and a Half Men.
Also, if you’re in a relationship where you have to get away from your partner for an extended period of time and do things s/he wouldn’t “let” you do in a million years, that’s an unhealthy relationship. You should get out of that situation before one of you brains the other with a rolling pin. Or, you may actually be Ralph Kramden, and you gotta sneak out of the house to hang out with the boys so’s Alice don’t find out about it and call you a fat slob.
However, Mancations did bring me one good thing, because when I tweeted about it, @kickthebobo responded with a link to the following video, from an outfit that calls itself ManCation Nation. The fact that the video opens with a full 15 uninterrupted seconds of someone shooting a machine gun should give you an idea of the intended audience. As should the fact that it also contains footage of someone waterskiing while brandishing an enormous firearm. From what I can gather from this video, the non-shooting recreational options are limited. Sounds like a trip made in Class Action Lawsuit Heaven!
Part of ManCation Nation’s mantra? “Get your sack back!” Yeah, get away from the ol’ battle axe who won’t let you fire an uzi in the living room!
In the wake of the Anthony Wiener mess, I saw a lot of online commentary from women along the lines of All men are pigs, pervs, etc. My first impulse is to refute that, because as you all know men are an embattled minority–we only control 98 percent of the planet now! Because I’m not the type of person who would engage in Wiener-ish behavior, nor are the vast supermajority of men I know. Maybe it’s not the condition of being male, but possessing the kind of personality that wants to rule others, which can border on psychosis, that drives guys like Wiener to sociopath behavior.
But then I see stuff like this and have to wonder if I’m the minority. Is the rest of the country really filled with cave trolls like this, who hate women (consciously or not) and wanna spend their vacation with other dudes spraying hot lead in the desert? You know what? Don’t tell me. I’m going to plug up both my ears, crawl under the covers, and pray for a swift, brutal Apocalypse.
Here’s hoping The Travel Channel and ManCation Nation sue each other over the term Mancation, the case drags on for decades, and everyone winds up broke and alone, never again knowing the love of a good woman.
Or man, which is a possibility, since the whole point of both endeavors, apparently, is to separate yourself completely from women, go into the wilderness, shoot stuff while wearing very little clothing, and stare longingly into the sunset with your dude guy bro-hams. A Project Runway marathon followed by a RuPaul’s Drag Race marathon isn’t as gay as that.