Groundhog Day was developed by Punxsutawney, PA in a desperate attempt to employ its notoriously shiftless rodent population.
The holiday dates back to a dark time in American history, when only groundhogs were allowed to study meteorology.
If the groundhog sees emerges from its hole, expect an early spring. If he sees his shadow and goes back into his hole, there will be six more weeks of winter. If he scratches his nose, we skip the rest of winter, spring, and summer and head straight into autumn. And if he eats a small, juicy carrot, pray for your mortal soul, for the end is nigh.
Did you know the ancient Egyptians revered the groundhog as a god? You shouldn’t have known that, because it’s not true.
In 1943, Punxsutawney Phil became involved in an elaborate OSS-sponsored plot to assassinate Hitler. The plan never came to fruition, however, because the spy agency couldn’t figure out how to get the Fuhrer to visit Pennsylvania.
The officiants at Groundhog Day dress in turn-of-the-century garb not for ceremonial purposes, but as part of an elaborate fetishistic ritual whose details you are better off not knowing.
February 2 is also the day when Bill Murray reminds everyone who approaches him that if they ask him about nothing but Groundhog Day, they’ll get a roundhouse kick to the throat.