What Not to Wear and the Final Solution for Fashion

whatnot1.jpgGod, look at this girl!
whatnot2.jpgAre you sure it’s a girl? She looks more like the love child of Margaret Thatcher and a month-old jack-o-lantern!
whatnot1.jpgHer fashion sense is on life support, and I’d love to pull the plug on it!
whatnot2.jpgI’d like to pull the plug on her ! Look at that huge ass! That thing’s got its own zip code!
whatnot1.jpgWhere’d she get those pants, Old Gravy?
whatnot2.jpgIf I had to wear outfits like hers, I’d pop a cyanide capsule straight into my mouth.
whatnot1.jpgExcept if you were her, you couldn’t fit it because there’d be too many Ring Dings in the way!
whatnot2.jpgHer whole look makes me want to vomit, but I’m afraid if I did, she’d lap it up like the dog she is!
whatnot1.jpgRuff ruff! Forget the makeover, we should just put her to sleep! How would you put Ol’ Smeller down?
whatnot2.jpgI’d slit her throat, but I think butter would come out instead of blood!
whatnot1.jpgI’d shoot her, but the bullet might just get lost in all her fat folds!
whatnot2.jpgMaybe if we wait, nature will take its course, and she’ll go out choking on a ham sandwich, Mama Cass-style.
whatnot1.jpgGod, I hate women!
whatnot2.jpgGod, me too!
whatnot1.jpgNot all women, of course. Just the poor ones.
whatnot2.jpgOh God, I hate poor women. Don’t they know dry-clean only clothes just look better?
whatnot1.jpgI know, right? Fat women drive me nuts, too. If
you can’t stop stuffing your face, just get some liposuction, or stay
indoors! You’re blocking the sun for the rest of us!
whatnot2.jpgIf I could, I would so round up all the
fat and poor women in America. Herd them into the same neighborhoods,
make them wear patches on their tacky outfits so we can keep track of
whatnot1.jpgYeah! Then I’d send them off to special camps in
the country, where they would totally work 18 hours a day for no pay!
That’ll teach ’em!
whatnot2.jpgThen when they’re too weak to work anymore, we can execute them all!
whatnot1.jpgBut why waste precious bullets on them? Just round them up in gas chambers and choke them to death! It’s more efficient!
whatnot2.jpgYou’ve thought about this a lot, haven’t you?
whatnot1.jpgOh my God, every waking moment!
whatnot2.jpgIt’s fun to dream, huh?
whatnot1.jpgSomeday, mi amigo, someday. Now let’s see what her fat friends had to say…