Tag Archives: wesley willis

Holiday Horrors: “Rock n Roll Santa”

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

We live in the golden age of the Local Kook. Once upon a time, if there was some wacky eccentric in your town, he or she would toil away in tin-foil-hatted obscurity. But nowadays, even the most obscure nuts can make it big on the interwebs.

One such example: Jan Terri, a Windy City resident who fancies herself a songwriter and performer. She also makes videos for these songs. Really bad videos, apparently shot on a camcorder. Said videos became something of an internet sensation a few years back, and she has many online devotees, some of them unironic ones.

She has more range than her fellow Chicagoan, Wesley Willis, but a similarly myopic view of the world. All of her videos are padded out with odd, seemingly endless shots of random buildings. She films herself on location for no discernible reason. And the videos are edited about as well as camcorder footage can be edited, which is to say, hatchet-like.

Among her many oeuvres is a Christmas tune called “Rock n Roll Santa.” Truth be told, this is not a bad song, musically. You will hear much, much worse tunes at the mall during the holidays. Unfotunately, Ms. Terri is not a gifted lyricist, or a singer. In penning verses, she’s closer to the aforementioned Mr. Willis than Ira Gershwin. In voice, too, sadly. I don’t know if Ira could carry tune, but he’d have to be better than Terri, since virtually everyone is.

I struggled over whether I should include this in the Holiday Horrors category. When it comes to found video stuff like this, I always wonder if mocking it says more about the mocker than the mockee. Clearly, Terri and her cohorts are having a blast making this video. Who am I to make fun of this, like I’m such a big shot? (Last sentence written by my mom.)

Ultimately, I decided that this could not go into the Holiday Triumphs because, at the end of the day, it’s too weird not to be some form of Horror. So in that spirit, here’s some horror!

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Where Nursery School Meets Loony Bin

As a parent, you realize very quickly that you’re going to have to watch a lot of crap on TV you really don’t want to. At first, it’s because you realize a certain program can calm down a hysterical baby or hasten sleepy-time. (For my kid, that certain program was Predator.)

Eventually, your child will develop his/her own tastes and want to watch the same movie or show over and over and over again. And thanks to DVDs and video on demand, it’s easier than ever before to indulge this OCD. Of course, none of this stuff is meant for your adult eyes/brain, but some of it grates on you more than others.

Like many preschool kids, The Baby went through a Caillou phase, which I believe she has finally outgrown (knock on wood). If you don’t have children, you have probably never seen this show and I suggest you continue to avoid it. Caillou is about a four-year-old bald kid who is an enormous weiner. I can’t think of a better word to describe this kid; “weiner” covers it, with its implication of profound uncoolness.

There’s nothing really wrong with the show in aggregate, but the character of Caillou drives me up the wall. He has a squeaky little kid voice with a pronounced Canadian accident. He is preternaturally well-spoken and well-behaved in a way that no four-year-old has ever been. And everything in the world must revolve around him. If you remember The Kids in the Hall sketches with Bruce McCulloch as Gavin, Caillou is like a slightly younger version of that.

Oh, and Caillou has songs. Almost all little kid shows do, but these songs feel slapped together, both lyrically and musically. Really slapped together. I think they were all written by Garth and Kat.

This clip below is a perfect example. I can’t remember why Caillou is singing about being in a rock and roll band, not that it matters. The song clearly takes longer to listen to than the composer took to write it.

And yet, when I heard this song, it struck a chord. It reminded me of something–not despite its threadbare intellect, but because of it. It rattled at the back of my mind for a while, searching for a connection, until it hit me like a bolt from the blue: It sounds exactly like Wesley Willis’ “Rock and Roll McDonalds”. Don’t believe me? Have a listen.

In case you don’t remember or were too young to catch him the first time around, Wesley Willis was a schizophrenic who rose to “fame” in the 1990s thanks to songs he made with Casio keyboard presets, which he used to drive away the “demons in his head” that would take him on “hellrides”. Some of his songs were about how much he loved music, some were about beating up superheroes, and some were obscene rants involving animals.

Of course, since every Wesley Willis song sounds exactly the same, you could say “Caillou’s Rock and Roll Band” resembles any of them. But I think this comparison is more apt than, say, “Eat a Panda’s Ass.”

Holiday Triumphs: Christmas Songs of Righteousness

Just to prove to everyone that I don’t hate every Christmas song in existence. Links for handy download, too (where I had ’em), in case you wanna make yourself a hot holiday mix. And if you wanna DL the whole batch in one fell swoop, click here.

The Ramones, “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)”

Slade, “Merry Xmas Everybody”

The Pogues, “Fairytale of New York”

Bonus! Ted Leo performing “Fairytale of New York”, live on WFMU, 2007 (with the dirty bits chopped out).

Bonus bonus! For you socialists out there, Billy Bragg performing “Fairytale of New York” live on the BBC.
Continue reading Holiday Triumphs: Christmas Songs of Righteousness