Yesterday, a friend of mine asked if the douche from The Bachelor had a Twitter account. For reasons that are still unclear to me, I used this as a springboard to create a fake Twitter account for him. Of course, I could count the number of Bachelor episodes I’ve seen on one hand; most of my knowledge of the show has been gleaned from Best Week Ever. But when in doubt, make your target look like a loutish dolt. That’s my motto!
I was prepared to do this for weeks. I had plans. Ooooh, did I have plans. But then my lawyers (ie, The Wife) explained to me that I could have my account suspended and have all sorts of nasty things done to me. Having gone through account suspension in other online endeavors (eat shit and die, Roger Clemens), I decided I’d rather not risk my real Twitter account in order to slander someone I don’t even know.
I also didn’t want to risk the Twitter accounts of my contributors Sean from Massapequa and Skitch Hanson. Because they would be tainted by their very association with me! That is a risk I can not stomach!
But I thought you, the gentle reader, would like a retrospective of the brief, wondrous life of THE_REAL_BACH. Forgive me for presenting this in improper oldest-to-newest order. I think it flows better this way.
Continue reading Fun with Fakery
Just a friendly reminder that Sean from Massapequa is down in Port St. Lucie, tweeting away about his favorite team (who he can’t stop threatening with bodily harm, for some reason).
Meanwhile, Skitch Hanson sent me another telegram. He’s having some automotive issues that have prevented him from getting to Florida, but he promised he will start tweeting again as soon as he’s there.
Skitch Hanson just informed me, via his Twitter page, that he plans on interviewing one of players from Super Bowl XLIII. So point your browser there if you want to get in on all the exciting action!*
*Your definition of “exciting action” may vary.
Originally posted 1/26/09
Scratchbomb has its own man embedded in the doody-storm that is Super Bowl Media Week. Frequent contributor Skitch Hanson will be providing us with breaking news and other updates via his Twitter page, which you can view by clicking here.
If you have any questions for Skitch or you want him to check out anything in particular, just comment on this post and the word will get his way. I’ll be bumping this post frequently as a friendly reminder to the curious.
Skitch Hanson will be joining us later this week to preview the NFL championship games. In the meantime, I have finally added his Scratchbomb oeuvre to the new site. If you’d like to revel in his mastery of the sporting language, click here.
You can also check out Skitch Hanson’s exciting Twitter updates here.
I kinda browbeat Sean from Massapequa into creating a Twitter account, and now he’s mad at me for not mentioning it in my last post. In fact, he threatened my dog. I told him I don’t have a dog, and all he said was, “I know.” I have no idea what that means, but I’m terrified.
So anyway, Sean from Massapequa has a Twitter account. So does frequent Scratchbomb contributor Skitch Hanson. So go and follow them, won’t you?
Wait, first follow me, okay? ‘Cause right now I only have 3 followers–two of which are mentioned above. Man, it’s just like high school all over again.
I’ve added a new capability to the Scratchbomb site. Viz, little icons at the bottom of each post that will allow you to share any post you like on the social networking site of your choice. As long as your choice includes the 9 options I’ve chosen to feature.
I heartily encourage you to share/submit posts on this site elsewhere. I would submit them myself, but submitting posts from your own web site to Facebook, Fark, etc. seems like the height of lameness to me. Like nominating yourself for prom king, which I TOTALLY DID NOT DO.
So anyway, use these buttons, please. K THX!
P.S.: I’ve also made it so that each post’s tags and categories appear in the main index, because I didn’t necessarily want to make you click through to see all of my hilarious tomfoolery. Yes, you’re welcome.