Think President Obama is a Muslim- Don’t believe in the letter Q
- Suspect the U.S. Army faked the landing at Normandy
- Fear eating grapes can “turn ya queer”
- Pray to Jesus nightly to give them their own hoverboard
- Want Justin Bieber to be appointed Dictator for Life
- Ask their minister, every Sunday, if a fish can become born again
- Refuse to recognize the month of October
- Wish there were more items with badly drawn Calvins peeing on things they don’t like
- Actively fantasize about Herman Munster
- Participated in a protest against the author of Bloom County, for reasons they can’t remember
- Think it would be cool to be Swamp Thing for like, a day
- Have at least thought about punching a duck
- Once shoveled pudding in their mouths with a fork and felt really weird about it
- Can’t decide if David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest is an
ambitious but flawed attempt at constructing a sweeping nigh-Proustian
epic or a titanic achievement of modern literature that shall be
studied for centuries to come
- Have eaten more than one battery
A potentially explosive collection of verbal irritants
