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Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: NL West

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

2010 record: 65-97

Biggest offseason acquisition: Armando Galarraga, who will bring with him all the luck of a man who was denied a perfect game by an indecisive umpire.

Biggest offseason loss: Mark Reynolds. Now that he’s in the AL East, could he become the first man to strikeout 300 times in a season?

How can a team with this much talent perform as badly as it did last year?: With just the right amount of counterbalancing suck.

Best name on 40-man roster: Leyson Septimo, master of darkness!

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Take your pick. Melvin Mora, JJ Putz, Aaron Heilman, Xavier Nady, Mike Hampton…it’s like the bargain bin at the Ex-Mets Yard Sale.

Spring standout: In a typically Diamondback-esque performance, Justin Upton already has 7 RBIs, 3 homers–and 13 strikeouts.

Probable Opening Day starter: Ian Kennedy, presumably due to his ex-Yankee pedigree. It certainly ain’t for the 25 hits he’s given up in 17 innings pitched.

Biggest question for 2011: Is this the year Arizona’s young core makes the transition from promising to disappointing?

Strengths: Well-regarded GM, no actual snakes on premises

Weaknesses: Copious amount of strikeouts can cause brief cyclones

Semi-serious assessment: The “young” Diamondbacks are rapidly becoming middle aged, in baseball years anyway, with little to show for the promise shown way back in 2007. In fact, much of that “young” lineup has been whittled away, to where it’s essentially Upton and Chris Young. The pitching has disaster potential written all over it. It doesn’t take much to compete in this division, but the Diamondbacks don’t have it.

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Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2010 MLB Preview: NL West

Thumbnail image for dbacks2.jpgARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

2009 record: 70-92

Local weather: Ball-meltingly hot

Namesake: Venemous rattlesnake responsible for the majority of fatal snakebites in northern Mexico, thus explaining why the Diamondbacks are Lou Dobbs’ favorite team.

Do they really play for the entire state of Arizona?: Yes, except for small pockets of Tempe. They know why.

Perpetually overused team-related headline: Raising Arizona. Cease and desist letters from the Coen Brothers have proven ineffective.

Best name on 40-man roster: Clay Zavada (also owner of best mustache on team)

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Billy Buckner. Not the former Dodgers/Cubs/Red Sox first baseman, but a young relief pitcher. Still, you’d think teams would shy away from anyone named Billy Buckner.

Spring standout: Justin Upton, whose .324 batting average and 16 RBIs are an obvious attempt to shame his brother B.J.

Probable Opening Day starter: Dan Haren, whose hitched delivery is almost as confounding as his facial hair.

Biggest question for 2010: Will their talented core of young players once again prove woefully outmatched, or merely disappointing?

Advantage to start the season: Close proximity of spring training facility removes the disorienting effects of jet lag.

Semi-serious assessment: The Diamondbacks lineup is full of stars, near stars, or should-be stars like Upton, Stephen Drew, and Mark Reynolds (all of them born in years I actually remember, which depresses the shit out of me). But their rotation is Haren and not much else until Brandon Webb comes back from shoulder surgery. They’ll score a lot of runs, but they’ll give a lot up, too, especially in their home park. Even in a relatively weak division, I don’t see how they finish much better than .500 this year.

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1999 Project: Games 117-122 (West Coast Swing #1)

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

candlestick.jpgThis West Coast trip would include the Mets’ last series at Candlestick Park (called 3Com Park at the time, thanks to corporate whim). The Giants were set to move to brand new Pac Bell Park the following April, a stadium whose downtown location and planned amenities already drew raves. In a bit of news I don’t think came to pass, the Daily News reported “the actor Don Novello, also known as Father Guido Sarducci on Saturday Night Live, is training dogs to jump into the South Beach bay and
retrieve baseballs”.

Trained dogs or no, Pac Bell would be a marked improvement over Candlestick, to say the least. The old ballpark would not be missed by many, least of all the athletes who had to play there. Darryl Hamilton (an ex-Giant) hated the place so much that, during his last trip there as a Rockie, according to the Daily News, “he gave the ‘Stick a parting salute” (leading the reader to believe his salute was of the one-gun variety).

Swirling wind and frigid conditions at all times of the year, combined with shoddy construction, made Candlestick one of the game’s least liked facilities. It was certainly unliked by the Mets, who traditionally struggled there and on West Coast trips in general. That didn’t bode well for the team, since this would be their first of three cross-country trips before the end of the season.

Continue reading 1999 Project: Games 117-122 (West Coast Swing #1)