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Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: NL East

ATLANTA BRAVES

2010 record: 91-71, won wild card, lost division series to Giants

Biggest offseason acquisition: Dan Uggla, whose last name perfectly describes his powerful home run swing. And his fielding.

Biggest offseason loss: Closer Billy Wagner, now retired. Fuckin’ shocker.

How will the Braves deal with their first season without Bobby Cox since 1990?: Thanks to their talent and new manager Fredi Gonzalez, the team will be more than fine. I’d be more worried about Mrs. Cox.

Best name on 40-man roster: Jairo Asencio. You want white sauce and hot sauce with that?

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Scott Proctor, who still has something resembling a human arm left after working in a Joe Torre bullpen.

Spring standout: Brandon Beachy has pitched to a 1.13 ERA, assuring himself the fifth spot in the rotation and many dumb puns on his name from headline writers.

Probable Opening Day starter: Tim Hudson, who continues to piss me off for reasons I can’t quite articulate.

Biggest question for 2011: Can the Braves challenge the Phillies for the division title, and if so, will anyone in Atlanta notice?

Strengths: Good young bullpen, lack of crowds at playoff games lessens pressure

Weaknesses: Chipper Jones running out of creative ways to end his season

Semi-serious assessment: As you get older, your hates fade. The white-hot rage I once felt toward the Braves has dissipated almost entirely. It helps that only one figure from the 1990s/2000s team remains (LAAAAA-REEEEE). But it’s also due to them having a team of mostly-home-grown regulars like Brian McCann and Jason Heyward who are much harder to hate than Brian Jordan and Greg Maddux ever were. That extends to the bullpen, which contains a lot of great young arms like Craig Kimbrel and Chris Medlen, with not a John Rocker in the bunch (that I know of). I foresee another wild card in their future, and if the Phillies’ injury woes continue, a division title is not as insane an outcome as it looked this winter. But do humanity a favor and lose the Tomahawk Chop, wouldja?

Continue reading Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: NL East

The Pros of Strasburg-Mania, and One Tiny Con

strasburg.jpgStephen Strasburg’s major league debut was everything (almost) everyone hoped it would be. I’ll admit there was a part of me that wanted Strasburg to, if not fail, then perform in a middling fashion. There was no way (I thought) the hype could possibly match the reality. But it did, and then some. After seeing how lights out he was, and ignoring the fact that the Mets will have to face this guy a couple of times a season for at least the next few years, I had to admit he was something awesome to behold.

Of course, some people pointed out that Strasburg’s start came against the lowly Pirates (like this jerk did). But with some time to think about my dumb tweet, I’ve changed my mind and would like to echo the sentiments expressed by Walkoff Walk. The Pirates are still a major league team. They have some decent hitters, like Andrew McCutchen, Delwyn Young, and, okay, why not, Lastings Milledge. Even the worst teams in baseball do not strike out 14 times in one game very often. Any time a pitcher racks up that many Ks, no matter who the opponent is, it’s amazing. Especially when he fans the last seven batters to face him and is still throwing 99 mph as he does it.

Almost as impressive as the 14 strikeouts: Strasburg did not walk a single batter. I bet you’d have to look long and hard to find the last time a pitcher made his first major league start and didn’t issue a single free pass. And if you did find such a start, it was probably because that rookie gave up seven straight hits and was yanked before recording an out.

I also heard/read some people mocking Nats fans for never showing up to games before now, and leaving when Strasburg left the game. That last act is, admittedly, a little shabby. But up to this point, you can’t say the Nationals had much to cheer for, save Ryan Zimmerman and the occasional anomalous hot streak. I don’t blame people from staying away from the ballpark. Going to games is expensive. If you’re going to invest that amount of money and time, the on-field product better be worth it, and up to this point, it hasn’t been.

It reminds me of 2008, when the Rays made the playoffs and lots of fans (particularly of the Red Sox stripe) mocked the folkways of a fanbase that had no experience with packed stadiums and postseason baseball. Such criticism is totally unfair, because all fandom starts somewhere. Just because the Sox had almost a century’s head start to build its mythos doesn’t make their fandom any more evolved or righteous.

In 1905, some handlebar-mustachioed gentleman decided to take in the Boston nine and see what all the fuss was about; now 100 years later, his descendents are Sox fans. If this person had grown up in Tampa Bay, he wouldn’t have had an opportunity to see a major league baseball team in his hometown for 90 years. Whose fault would that be? Nobody’s.

I’m sure there’s kids in Florida who got hooked on baseball for the first time because of the excitement of that first postseason in Tampa. Now they’re fans for life, and they’ll pass that passion along to their kids. Likewise, people from DC who had only a middling interest in the Nationals could get caught along the tide of Strasburg-mania, and in the process, become real fans. And the people who’ve been “real fans” all along get to look down their noses at the newcomers and boast that they liked the Nats before it was cool. Win-win!

My only objection, and it has little to do with the second coming of Koufax himself: I’ve heard more than one person say that Strasburg’s debut was a great tonic for “long suffering” Nats fans. Here I must raise a hand and object. The Nationals have only been around for six seasons. They have not existed for a sufficient amount of time to have a long suffering fanbase. For that, look at the team from Pittsburgh they just defeated. Or Indians fans. Or Royals fans.

Better yet, look to the dispossessed Expos fans, who were left without a team when the now-Nationals left Montreal. There’s no better definition of a long-suffering fanbase than one whose team split town and ain’t never coming back. Particularly since Expos fans must have seen the execution coming from miles away, as MLB did everything in its power to drain the Expos of what little life they had. They moved “home” games to Puerto Rico. They let Jeff Loria run the team into the ground. And they took over the franchise but didn’t allow it to improve in any way.

Just consider that, Nats fans. Your team may have been a doormat up until this point, but least it still exists.

The Parallel Universe Fake Mets: Games 4-6

pufm_004.jpgGame 4: Mets 6, Nationals 4
The Fake Nationals scratched out two early runs against starter Mike Pelfrey, but he settled in and pitched 7 strong innings, allowing the Fake Mets to rally for three runs in the bottom of the fourth. Carlos Beltran clubbed a two-run homer in the bottom of the fifth to extend the lead, and the Fake Mets managed an insurance run in the eighth on an Omir Santos sac fly. Pedro Feliciano pitched a scoreless top of the eighth, and K-Rod earned his first save of the year despite giving up a run in the ninth.

In real life: An uncharacteristic show of power enabled the Mets to overcome an early 2-0 deficit. Jeff Francoeur and Rod Barajas each hit two homers en route to an 8-2 win.

Game 5: Nationals 3, Mets 1
Fake Jon Niese pitched six solid innings and gave up just three runs, but the Fake Mets’ bats were lulled to sleep by Ross Detwiler.

In real life: Oliver Perez showed some signs of life but also displayed his affinity for walks and giving up hits to the bottom of the order. The formerly terrible Willy Taveras drove in all the Nats’ runs with a pair of two-run hits. The Mets nearly crawled back in the bottom in the ninth, but were slayed by–what else?–an amazing defensive play by Willie Harris, whose sole purpose for being on any major league roster is to crush their hopes.

Game 6: Nationals 2, Mets 0
Fake John Lannan was in control the entire game, scattering six hits and pitching a complete game shutout. Fake Johan Santana pitched eight good innings, but got burned by back-to-back two-out RBI singles in the top of the sixth. A potential rally was snuffed in the bottom of the sixth when Fake David Wright, after beating out an infield hit, kept running the bases to second, then third, and was finally tagged out. I tried to make him run back, to no avail. I have no idea how this happened or why, but I thought it was so funny I just let it happen.

In real life: Johan Santana was not nearly as sharp as his fake counterpart, giving up a first inning grand slam to Josh Willingham (another Met killer) and struggling his way through five innings. The Mets didn’t so much face Livan Hernandez as lay down and die for him (or Jerry Manuel did, at least, by giving an insane amount of at-bats to Garry Matthews Jr., Mike Jacobs, and Frank Catalanotto). The only sign of a pulse came when K-Rod hit Willie Harris in the arm with a pitch–not on purpose, of course, but you can understand why he might think it was (or why the Mets might want to hit him).

Parallel Universe Fake Mets record: 2-4

Real Mets record: 2-4