Tag Archives: jarts

How to Wind Up in Twitter Jail, Starring @TimesPublicEdit

I am @TimesPublicEdit.

I didn’t work all that hard to keep this quiet, but I never formally announced it, mostly because I didn’t think anyone was waiting with baited breath trying to puzzle out the secret. The reason I’m “revealing” this now is because, well, it’s already revealed via a post by Kat Stoeffel at the New York Observer today. That post was written because of the odd events of the last week involving the account, which began with a tweet last Monday.

This tweet was RT’ed and faved to an extent far beyond my wildest imaginings. It was also assumed to be the work of the actual New York Times‘ public editor by some news outlets that failed to perform a few extra seconds of due diligence. A formal complaint against the account (from whom, I don’t know) led to a suspension for being an “imposter” account.

After a week on the shelf, the account is back in action. I’m pretty fortunate in this regard; suspended accounts tend to stay that way indefinitely, or so Google tells me. However, I thought recounting what happened to @TimesPublicEdit might serve as a cautionary tale to other Twitter parodists, or just anybody who wants to build any kind of body of work on Twitter. Because you have to remember that anything you do there can be wiped out without warning, and that this is the risk you take when you scribble on someone else’s real estate.

Continue reading How to Wind Up in Twitter Jail, Starring @TimesPublicEdit

The Secrets of My Success

“Sir, you do have decent credit, but if we’re going to offer you this loan, you’ll need to put some collateral against it. Do you have anything of value to offer?”

“Why yes, I do”

*lays a dozen fake Twitter accounts on loan officer’s desk*

“You’ve been approved, my good man!”

* * *

“Your résumé is certainly extensive, but we have many candidates vying for this job. I’d like to know if you possess any unique skills that uniquely qualify you for this position.”

“Yes, I believe I do.”

*shares 1400-word essay about “Steampipe Alley,” followed by detailed recounting of several mid-80s McDonalds commercials*

“When can you start?”

* * *

“I have to admit, you make a solid pitch, but I’ve seen a ton of sales presentations today and I’m having a hard time deciding which is the best. Are there any other reasons we should want to do business with you?”

“Yes, there are.”

*reels off several jokes about jarts and Boku drink boxes*

“Stop drillin’, you hit oil!”

* * *

“I gotta be honest, I get a lotta people coming in here saying they’re gonna be the next Hemingway. Is there some extra special reason why should I take you on as a client?”

“I believe there is.”

*displays massive tome about Edgardo Alfonzo*

“Lookin’ forward to workin’ with ya!”