“Congratulations, David Wright! Your 4 steals in one game tied a franchise record and has been named MLB.com’s Viagra Milestone Moment of the day!”

“Um, thanks. Is there any way you could give me an award not named after Viagra?”

“Let’s see…we have the Cialis Spring Into Action Award, the Enzyte Enhanced Hustle Award, the Valtrex Breakout Player of the Day…”