Category Archives: Videocracy

YouTubery Friday: “Miracles” and Tiger Woods Parody

It’s Friday! Procrastinate and count down to happy hour with these lovely bits.

Earlier this week, a video debuted for a song by esteemed musicians Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope–collectively known as the Insane Clown Posse. It was immediately shared across the Twitterverse and the Faced-Book pages as an example of majestic stupidity.

By now, pointing out ICP’s lack of talent or smarts is–while incredibly easy and fun–almost cliche. Between The Best Show’s skewering of The Gathering of the Juggalos, Saturday Night Live‘s take on a suspiciously similar subject, and general internet snark, this is not exactly uncharted comedic territory. And even though they have a cult audience, they’re not chart toppers, so mocking them seems pointless and a little mean.

But this video…holy goddamn, this thing is…words fail.

Truth be told, it’s not really the video itself, which has some cheesy graphics but isn’t all that funny on its own. No, it’s the song featured in the video, “Miracles”. It’s about the extraordinary features of everyday life. It sounds like a musical version of a Mitch Albom book, but with tons of F-bombs.

Kudos to ICP for trying to get deep, but very few things mentioned in this video count as “miracles”. Almost all of them can be explained with some basic science. That doesn’t prevent Shaggy 2 Dope from wondering, “Fuckin’ magnets, how do they work?” And Violent J shares his tale of the time a seagull in San Francisco stole his cell phone, which is less of a miracle and more of mildly amusing anecdote.

But maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the jaded, cynical one. Maybe I’m the guy just can’t see the miracles of “fuckin rainbows” and “pet dogs and cats”. Watch the video and judge for yourself.

Have you see the new Tiger Woods Nike commercial? You’ll love it if you like Inappropriate. In it. the disembodied voice of Tiger’s father, Earl Woods, admonishes him, as the camera slowly pulls in on his face as he looks stoic and competitive. Did you know Earl Woods is dead? Yeah, he’s dead. That, plus Tiger’s dead-eyed stare, make this really uncomfortable to watch.

Naturally, this has inspired almost as many re-workings as the bunker scene in Downfall. My favorite: This one, which uses a certain speech from Shawshank Redemption. (This is un-embeddable, but I forgive you, whoever you are.)

YouTubery Friday: Celebrity Endorsements

It’s Friday! Procrastinate and count down to happy hour with these lovely bits!

On this week’s edition of The Best Show on WFMU, host Tom Scharpling asked listeners to share their favorite/least favorite celebrity commercials. A few gems were uncovered, which I’d like to share with you in the spirit of friendship and brotherhood and mockery.

First up, a Japanese ad for a cologne called Mandom, featuring that pinnacle of mandom, Charles Bronson. How manly is Chuck? He smokes a pipe shirtless, for one thing. He also fantasizes about himself as a cowboy as he literally pours cologne on himself. Who’s gonna tell Charles Bronson he’s wearing enough cologne to make a sasquatch tear up? I sure as hell ain’t.

Here’s an ad for a local cardiologist in Encino, California, starring M*A*S*H‘s Jamie Farr and a strangely bearded Alex Rocco. The hirsute Mr. Rocco does not get his eye shot out in this scene, as he did as Moe Green in The Godfather Part II, but he did go through the trouble of getting really drunk before the shoot. And you’ll never guess the twist ending to this ad! (Here’s a hint: You’ll totally guess it.)

Speaking of which, here’s some outtakes from an ad shoot for Paul Masson Wine starring legendary actor/director Orson Welles. Paul Masson would sell no wine before its time, but they would film ads before their enormous spokesman could sober up. Almost as funny as Welles’ pickled reactions are the tortured expressions of the two party-goers to his right.

And what roundup of celebrity endorsements would be complete without Macho Man Randy Savage and his legendary spots for Slim Jim? Thrill as The Macho Man destroys a library and shames an authority figure with the power of smoked meats!

BONUS!: Peep this “interview” with Macho Man Randy Savage from oh, let’s say the 80s cuz why not? Even by Macho Man standards, this interview is a little manic. Something extra seems at play. I don’t know for sure, but I’ll bet that something extra came from Bolivia.

YouTubery Friday: Dolph Lundgren, Jay Leno, and The Snowpocalypse

Haven’t you always dreamed of hearing Dolph Lundgren sing Elvis Presley? Of course you have. Don’t even try to pretend you haven’t. Guess what? YOU’RE IN LUCK! In fact, the whole human race is in luck, thanks to this video of Ivan Drago crooning “A Little Less Conversation”.

Actually, “crooning” is not the correct word. “Bellowing” is more accurate. His voice is kinda like Ted Cassidy’s, only not so vibrant and warm. I’ve heard very few things more bone chilling than Mr. Lundgren croaking “close your mouth and open up your heart.” It makes me think he wants to literally open up my heart, with a box cutter.

So no, Mr. Lundgren is not the interpreter of song that Elvis was. But could The King blast through five huge blocks of ice at once? Maybe, if he was really, really high.

As I’m sure you know, Jay Leno is the worst human being on the planet. So he thoroughly deserves this re-soundtracking of his reprehensible new ads for his return to The Tonight Show.

Finally, we’ve gotten a lot of snow lately ’round Scratchbomb HQ. While driving in the snow is no picnic, I find nothing funnier than watching cars slide and careen under such conditions (as long as no one gets hurt, of course). I like to consider myself a connoisseur of Snow Crash videos. As such, I present to you this sample as the pinnacle of the art form.