Category Archives: Politics Schmolitics

Meet John Shadegg and His Little Pal Maddie!

Ms. Speaker, before we vote on this potentially historic health care reform bill, I want you to hear from Maddie. Maddie is the seven-month-old daughter of my chief of staff. Maddie loves freedom, and Maddie thinks the passage of this bill will speed our great nation down the thorny path to socialism. Say hello to the nice congresspersons, Maddie!

Boy, what a buncha losers!

Oh, come on now, Maddie! These are all my distinguished colleagues from various states of our great nation, and they’ve come here to debate the health care reform bill.

No wonder! They all look pretty sick to me!

There you go again, Maddie! What are we going to do with you? Weren’t you just telling me in my office how much you love freedom, and how scared you are that this bill will endanger that precious freedom that so many Americans have laid down their lives to protect?

Were those Americans killed by your breath? Cuz it’s pretty brutal right now!

Maddie, stop, please! I’m trying to discuss something very serious, and all you want to do is clown around!

Clowning around? I don’t even know what a clown is–my brain’s the size of an orange and I think plastic keys are the most entertaining thing ever invented!

Oh, Maddie! Well, that’s all the time I have. Thank you, fellow representatives! Stay tuned for funnyman Dennis Kucinich!

Glenn Beck Will Save America with Classic Commercials

glennbeck.jpgDo you remember that simpler time in America? Do you remember how that felt? Do you remember this commercial?

glennbeck.jpgYes, there was a time when tow-headed young boys could give Cokes to famous defensive linemen. And the linemen would give the children sweaty souvenirs! When was the last time you saw that in Obama’s America? What has happened to our nation? Or how about this, do you remember this?

glennbeck.jpgWe were all Peppers back then! No one saw color! It didn’t
matter if you were a boatin’ Pepper, a totin’ Pepper, a cookin’ Pepper,
or a good lookin’ Pepper! It didn’t even matter if you were Popeye! We
all danced on the deck of a Staten Island Ferry boat! Only when I look
at ads like this do I realize how much we’ve lost! Still not convinced?
How about this, do you remember this?
Continue reading Glenn Beck Will Save America with Classic Commercials

Joe Wilson vs. Barack Obama, the Insult Comedy President

obama.jpgThere have been a lot of untruths out there about my health care plan. So I want to reassure the American people that illegal immigrants will not be covered under this plan.
joew.jpgYOU LIE!
obama.jpgNo, I don’t actually. And I think it’s highly disrespectful of you to just yell at the President of the United States like that. If you disagree with me, fine, but…
joew.jpgYOU’RE NOT FUNNY!
obama.jpgI’m not trying to be funny. This is not a comedy club.
joew.jpgFREEBIRD!
obama.jpgWow, there’s a blast from the past. When you’re done with that brilliant retort, 1993 needs it back. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m trying to deliver a speech here.
joew.jpgYOU SHOULD DELIVER MY WAITRESS OVER HERE SO I CAN GET ANOTHER GIN AND TONIC!
obama.jpgYou’ll have to speak up. I don’t speak Inbred Cracker Peckerwood.

Continue reading Joe Wilson vs. Barack Obama, the Insult Comedy President