Category Archives: Life In These United States

Top Fourth of July Injuries (Non-Fireworks Edition)

Posted on July 5, 2011 by

Griller’s elbow Simultaneous cardiac arrest and diabetic shock from ingesting too much fried Kool-Aid Allergic reaction to Blue Angels flyover Vertebrae misaligned during annual game of backyard volleyball Sudden rush of blood to the head while actually listening to lyrics … Read on! —->

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Gary Coleman, Scandal Shrapnel, and The Vanilla Ice Syndrome

Posted on June 1, 2010 by

Within minutes after the news of Gary Coleman’s death broke, the Intertubes rattled with one unfunny joke after another. It made me briefly happy that I’ve never become famous. Otherwise, random strangers might think that me dying at a criminally … Read on! —->

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Re: Fridge Cleaning

Posted on March 29, 2010 by

From: Human Resources (hr@technotek.com) To: All_Staff (staff@technotek.com) Re: Fridge Cleaning Just a heads up that we’ve scheduled a fridge cleaning in the fourth floor kitchen this weekend. The cleaning staff will throw out any unmarked food, so if you want … Read on! —->

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Death’s Record First Quarter Profits Raise Eyebrows

Posted on March 19, 2010 by

At a time when most sectors of the economy are suffering, Death reported record profits for the first quarter of 2010, prompting surprise from the world of finance and resentment from the general public. “I think we all knew this … Read on! —->

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Workplace Condiment Etiquette and You

Posted on February 2, 2010 by

I keep a bottle of Sriracha in the kitchen at my office. Sriracha is also known as THE BEST HOT SAUCE CRAFTED BY THE HAND OF MAN. I don’t use it too often, but it’s a nice thing to have … Read on! —->

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Moving Violation

Posted on September 30, 2009 by

There’s part of me that could care less about Roman Polanski’s current predicament. Arrest him, don’t arrest him–who cares? Thirty-plus years after the fact, is pursuing one criminal really so important? Surely, the Los Angeles DA’s office could use their … Read on! —->

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The Sub-Atomic World of Two Year Olds

Posted on August 6, 2009 by

Being a parent is hard. Everyone knows this, whether you have kids or not. But you can’t know the true depths of how difficult parenting is until you have a kid. Don’t mean to pull rank. It’s just true. There’s … Read on! —->

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Americans Celebrate 40 Years of the Great Moon Conspiracy

Posted on July 20, 2009 by

AP–For many Americans, it was the defining moment of their generation. All who witnessed can tell you exactly where they were when it happened. And though for some of us it may seem as if it happened just yesterday, today … Read on! —->

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Military Intelligence: Still an Oxymoron

Posted on July 16, 2009 by

Yesterday I saw two different military-related items on the Interwebs that made me shake me head. And no, neither of them was the moronic Army major who refuses to go to Afghanistan because he thinks Obama isn’t a natural born … Read on! —->

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We Built This Country on Obscure References

Posted on July 2, 2009 by

For several years in my feckless post-collegiate youth, I had the same plans every Fourth of July. Two friends of mine shared an East Village apartment with roof access. So every Independence Day, we’d go up there, grill up some … Read on! —->

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Posted in Life In These United States, Pointless Nostalgia | Tagged , | 1 Comment