SITES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
Sweaty Dudes [aka Sports]
Metsblog
Deadspin
Kissing Suzy Kolber
Fire Joe Morgan
Yard Work
No Mas
The Funny
My Blog Could Be Your Life
Patton Oswalt
A Special Thing
MST3K
Name of the Year
Hot Chicks with Douchebags
Subbaculcha
Bookslut
WFMU's Beware of the Blog
Flick Lives
Parental Guidance
Some Sound-Related Observations from Another Saturday at Shea
* I have now attended both of Johan Santana's starts at Shea this year. Each time, he has taken the mound to "Smooth" by Santana. I have to assume this was either done at his request or with his consent. In either case, I'm very disappointed with the lefty.
"Smooth" is a song I never have to hear again in my entire life, because it was on the radio constantly for about three years after its release. Even now, you are guaranteed to hear it every morning should you happen to tune into a Lite FM station. Or if you just buy breakfast before you go to work, because every single deli in the country has Lite FM on during the early rush hour. "Smooth" is a song I associate with waiting for a bagel at 8:25 am, fighting to keep my eyes open long enough to make sure the guys behind the counter don't fuck up my order.
I didn't realize how long that song had been out until I went back and watched some Mets playoffs games from 1999 and heard "Smooth" playing in between innings. That song's been plaguing us for nine years. It also depresses the shit out of me to realize that 1999 is nine years ago.
My question is, why "Smooth"? Is it because Johan is supposed to be "so smooth"? Or is it because they think no one in the stands can remember anything that happened before that tune was released? It's not as if that's the only famous Santana song. I think "Oye Como Va" would work pretty well. In Spanish, the first line means "Hear how my rhythm goes," which could be vaguely interpreted to refer to a pitcher's mesmerizing style, I guess. But at least the song comes from a classic Tito Puente mambo and does not involve anyone from Matchbox 20.
"Black Magic Woman" isn't really appropriate, subject-wise, but the opening organ/guitar interplay sounds really creepy, which could work the way "Hells Bells" does for Trevor Hoffman. Plus, your average teen will be familiar with this song because it's featured in Guitar Hero III. See, I'm hip.
How about, anything that doesn't involve Rob Thomas? Could we go with that for a while?
* I applaud the return of the Sarcastic Mound Conference Song. When I was a kid, if the opposing team sent a pitching coach to talk with a struggling hurler, the PA would inevitably greet him with the audio equivalent of a middle finger. Usually, it was "Help!" by the Beatles, or "Slip Slidin' Away" by Paul Simon.
At some point, the Mets abandoned this scheme due to either an increase in good sportsmanship or a lack of imagination. But a few times this season, they've gone back to their sarcastic ways. Earlier in the year, they played Harry Nillsson's "Everybody's Talking at Me" during a mound conference. On Saturday, they played "Now's the Time to Stop Your Sobbing" by the Pretenders.
I for one applaud the return of this needlessly cruel tactic.
* Ryan Church has emerged as this Mets' most consistent offensive threat. I'm not sure if that's a testament to his talents or an indictment of the rest of the team. Regardless, now that he's becoming more and more of a fan favorite, he needs a song to accompany his accomplishments.
What should that song be? I can't think of too many songs with "church" in the title, and very few of those would play well in a ballpark setting. There's the band The Church, but they didn't write too many upbeat toe-tappers, unless you're the kind of person that thinks the Sisters of Mercy are too cheery.
Yesterday, I got my answer. When Ryan knocked in a run, the PA played the portion of David Bowie's "Modern Love" where the background singers chant "church on time!" Esoteric and clever. Well done, audio people.
* A group of Scottish tourists sat behind us. They were not at all familiar with the American stadium-going experience, or with the basic rules of baseball. The lack of a game clock puzzled them. "So it just keeps going?" they asked incredulously. They did not easily grasp the concept of innings, even though baseball is similar cricket in this regard. At least I think it is. Trying to understand cricket is a lot like trying to read Finnegan's Wake: an admirable but purely intellectual, and ultimately fruitless, pursuit.
They also wanted to know where the "Reds supporters" sat. My wife answered, "In their living rooms in Cincinnati."
See, in European football, even if a huge team like Chelsea or Man U hosts East Puddingshire-on-Swampcockle, the opposition's fans will attend in large numbers, in one section of the arena, chanting in unison and wearing identical scarves. We had to explain to the Scots that fans of the away team only attend road games in isolated numbers, and usually at their own peril. Unless they're Yankees fans in Baltimore, or Mets fans in Miami, or Red Sox fans anywhere.
But I found something else far more galling than the average Scotsman's lack of general baseball knowledge. We asked the visitors how long they were in town for, and they told us, "Oh, just for the weekend." Just for weekend? Really? From Scotland? Yes, apparently. With the dollar being dirt cheap against the pound, a Friday-Sunday trip across the pond is more than financially viable for the average Caledonian (while I didn't inquire, I got the impression that these people weren't wealthy jet-setters). In fact, the folks behind us told us that this was the second such trip they'd taken this year already.
You know how there used to be countries whose only purpose was to serve as a vacation spot for Europeans? Places like Lebanon, Thailand, Senegal, Jamaica? Places where their shiny money could buy everything from folksy trinkets to the local police? Places where they could fly off for a weekend of skiing and whoring, make a big mess, and fly home unscathed?
Guess what? With the dollar in the toilet and a total lack of non-service-industry jobs, that place is now the U.S. of A.! Thanks, Dubya!
Posted 05.11.08 09:51pm * Permalink
Copyright 2004-08 Scratchbomb Inc. Trespassers punished by catapault