SITES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
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Except Big Stein Build the House, They Labor in Vain that Built It
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This time they've gone too far! Burying a Red Sox jersey on the site of MY NEW STADIUM! THIS WILL NOT STAND! This guy who buried the jersey, I want him found and I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want all his friends and coworkers DEAD! I want his first grade teacher DEAD! The guy who he buys coffee from in the morning? Oh, you better believe he's DEAD! I want his house burned to the ground! Then, I want a hole dug where the house used to stand, and I want that hole filled with nuclear waste, so that everyone who comes within a 50-mile radius of it goes sterile and gets lymphoma! |
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My son, I think this aggression is unwarranted. |
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Who asked you, Churchy? |
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Well, I am going to be at your stadium this week. |
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Don't remind me. You know how much dough I'm losing just 'cause you won't sell beer at your stupid concert? |
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Remember, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord." |
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That sounds familiar. Who said that, Yogi? |
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No, a man named Jesus. |
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Ah, I can't keep track of all these Spanish players. |
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Perhaps it would be more fulfilling to take this vindictive act and turn it into something positive. |
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You mean, dunk the jersey in kerosene, use it to swab the guy with it, and set him on fire? |
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No, I was thinking of something that wouldn't result in a horrible death. How about auctioning off the jersey for charity? |
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I don't understand. How would that cripple the bastard who did this? |
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It wouldn't. It would be making the best of an unfortunate situation. |
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.... I'm sorry, you've totally lost me. |
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Okay, then think of it this way: you'll get some dumb Boston fan to totally waste his money on a ratty, dirt-covered jersey. |
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I like it! Bleed their economy one person at a time, slow and painful-like! You came up with something worthwhile after all. If there's anything I can do for you, buddy, just name it. |
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Well, it's always been a dream of mine to walk on the grass at Yankee Stadium. |
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*pfft* Are you shitting me? No dice, Fritz. |
Posted 04.14.08 8:20pm * Permalink
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