One Out of Five Americans…

Think President Obama is a Muslim
Don’t believe in the letter Q
Suspect the U.S. Army faked the landing at Normandy
Fear eating grapes can “turn ya queer”
Pray to Jesus nightly to give them their own hoverboard
Want Justin Bieber to be appointed Dictator for Life
Ask their minister, every Sunday, if a fish can become born again
Refuse to recognize the month of October
Wish there were more items with badly drawn Calvins peeing on things they don’t like
Actively fantasize about Herman Munster
Participated in a protest against the author of Bloom County, for reasons they can’t remember
Think it would be cool to be Swamp Thing for like, a day
Have at least thought about punching a duck
Once shoveled pudding in their mouths with a fork and felt really weird about it
Can’t decide if David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest is an
ambitious but flawed attempt at constructing a sweeping nigh-Proustian
epic or a titanic achievement of modern literature that shall be
studied for centuries to come
Have eaten more than one battery