The Constitution Protects My Small Arsenal

militia.jpgExcuse me, I’d like to enter this presidential town hall meeting. What seems to be the hold up?

Whoah, since when am I not allowed to bring a weapon into a town hall meeting? Last time I checked, this was still America!

Yes, I do have multiple weapons on me. I can’t just walk in here with just one! A single handgun might be good enough for Sunday mass or my son’s soccer game, but this is a town hall meeting we’re talking about here!

I don’t know how you could interpret this array of weaponry as some sort of threat to the president. All I want to do is brandish several firearms well within firing range of our commander-in-chief. Since when is that a crime?!

The Constitution protects might right to free speech, and the Constitution protects my right to bear arms. Therefore, it protects my right to exercise both of those rights simultaneously. I came hear to have my voice heard. And I find people pay closer attention to me when I’m heavily armed.

This canister? It contains homemade napalm. Nothing beats homemade, I always say. People are so desensitized to guns these days, what with all the violent movies and TV shows and so on. Sometimes you need access to jellied incendiaries that can melt a man’s face off. You know, to really get your point across.

You’re looking at me as if I’m some kind of a crackpot! All I want to do is attend this presidential town hall meeting and express my concerns about the national health care plan. And also ask the president how he bribed the Kenyan government to hide his real birth certificate.

Is it me? Am I the crazy one here? Because I really don’t understand why you’d be so concerned about me bringing several assault rifles, napalm, and a catapult to this town hall meeting where the president will also be in attendance.

Yes, I have a catapult. Don’t tell me I can’t bring that in, either!

Fine, I’ll leave. But I’d appreciate it if you’d hand the president this weirdly shaped envelope leaking white powder.