Griller’s elbow- Simultaneous cardiac arrest and diabetic shock from ingesting too much fried Kool-Aid
- Allergic reaction to Blue Angels flyover
- Vertebrae misaligned during annual game of backyard volleyball
- Sudden rush of blood to the head while actually listening to lyrics to “Born in the USA” or “Fortunate Son” for the first time
- Various lesions resulting from the discovery of long-lost box of jarts in basement
- Citronella poisoning
- Boredom-induced skull displacement from prolonged brass band medley exposure
- Excess swelling of patriotic pride
- Asphyxiation from being suffocated under weight of football-field-sized American flag
- Pulled triceps muscle from patting self on back for saluting guy you saw in the street wearing army fatigues
- Competitive eating induces virulent strain of super-gout
- Heatstroke suffered while wearing Revolutionary War-era garb or space suit
- Incorrect tiki torch placement provokes deadly curse from angered Polynesian storm-god
A potentially explosive collection of verbal irritants
