NFL Draft Night: What to Watch For!

  • The NFL has provided free pre-draft entertainment for attendees. It can be found within a 15-block radius of Radio City Music Hall, where sweaty out of towners in Browns and Rams jerseys struggle to adjust to the local New York custom of Walking to Places.
  • Cam Newton remains the consensus favorite to be the #1 pick, but teams may have soured on him after he appeared on that idiotic Jon Gruden QB Camp monstrosity.
  • NFL insiders think this might be the year someone finally decides to take Chris Berman out.
  • Rumor has it Jets coach Rex Ryan may make an appearance to join Gang Green fans in hurling obscenities at whoever the team drafts.
  • NFL rules state that a team must draft the player commissioner Goodell reads at the podium, even if he reads the wrong name by mistake. That’s how the Cardinals wound up drafting Marisa Tomei in 1990.
  • Four millionaire sportscasters have been given an all-expenses-paid trip to Manhattan just so they all can say “This guy knows how to play the game” three times an hour. Just thought you’d like to know that.
  • By federal law, all players eligible for the draft must allow ESPN cameras into their home and provide the entire crew with a reasonable lunch-type meal. Simply putting out snacks is not acceptable (see ESPN vs. Tavaris Jackson and Good Guys Catering, 2006).
  • The draft concludes on Sunday when “Mr. Irrelevant” is chosen, and Mel Kuiper is placed back into his cryogenic freeze chamber for another 11 months.
  • Remember when nobody picked Brady Quinn for, like, forever? That was hilarious.
  • Roger Goodell is completely okay with spending money on this self-love fest while giving nothing to catastrophically concussed retired players. Just thought you’d like to know that, too.
  • ESPN’s broadcast day will be given over to post-draft wrap-up and debriefing until LeBron dunks something or the next Yankees-Red Sox game, whichever comes first.

One thought on “NFL Draft Night: What to Watch For!”

  1. In all honesty, I love how the Jets fans boo the shit out of whomever they pick. I seriously laugh at it every time.

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