Mitch McConnell Wants Free Finance

mitchmcconnell.jpgYou can’t reform finance, man! Finance needs to live free and roam wild, like nature intended! You gotta let it grow, man, just like my head of luscious hippie hair. When you don’t, you upset the delicate financial balance put in place by Mother Cash.

I know untamed finance can seem scary, but that’s just the way we’ve been conditioned by this plastic modern society, man. If you look at it with open eyes, I mean really look at it, man, it’s beautiful. Open up the Wall Street Journal and gaze at all these CEO’s making boatloads of cash in bonuses while laying off hundreds of workers. Or a hedge fund manager setting up mortgage-backed securities he knew would fail, then betting against them to make a shitload of money when the economy went in the crapper. How can people do stuff like that and sleep at night? That’s the wonderful mystery of finance, man!

The derivatives market is one of the last untouched financial wildernesses we have. You can’t fence that in, man! Those derivatives need to be untamed, run around like maniacs, and send the economy on unpredictable spikes and troughs that cause millions of people to lose their jobs! Man, don’t pave paradise and put up a parking lot!