“We have tried to work with Democrats to come to a satisfactory resolution to this financial crisis,” Walker told reporters. “But as the governor of this state, I’m charged with making tough decisions, and I believe that Wisconsin can no longer support a democracy franchise.”
Mayflower trucks pulled up to the state capitol building at 10pm local time to complete the move. The Dairy State’s principal symbols of democracy were packed in bubble wrap and loaded into the vehicles shortly thereafter, including the public university system, the bicameral state legislature, and the legacies of Robert LaFollette and Russ Feingold.
“I think the democracy franchise deserves a chance to thrive in a state that can give it the support and attention it deserves,” Walker said as the trucks drove off into the night. “But I know Wisconsans will be well served by the feudalism franchise that will be relocating here from the Middle Ages.”
Walker assured citizens they would be informed shortly about the names of their local vassals and the proper manner to pledge fealty thereto.