Future Guests of the Ohio Legislature

  • Two fetuses, testifying via ultrasound in favor of an anti-abortion bill
  • Two ultrasound machines, testifying that the weird gel you have rub on their sensors is really gross
  • A chimera, testifying via Skype, on the subject of tort reform
  • A leprechaun, a unicorn, and a chupacabra, each seeking tribal recognition for their respective imaginary nations in order to build casinos
  • The pheasant plucker, and pheasant plucker’s son, pleading no contest to charges of nepotism
  • Two squirrels and a ghost, for obvious reasons
  • RoboCop, seeking safe haven for his statue
  • A Man from Nantucket, protesting the awful rumors that have been spread about him
  • The concept of human flight, declaring itself an abomination in the eyes of God
  • Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, reading into the record some of his Twilight fanfic