Loglines for the Next Seven Nicolas Cage Movies

niccage.jpg* The secret to clean coal technology is tattooed on Thomas Jefferson’s bones. Can Nic Cage and a ragtag group of misfits rescue his corpse from the evil clutches of Greenpeace?

* Nic Cage is Wrecker Jones, the undead descendant of Genghis Khan. Can he defeat the Werewolf Pancho Villa in time to save his village?

* Nic Cage is a government-trained super-assassin with one mission: go back in time and kill Helen Keller.

* An underground kickboxing tournament is held by an international terrorist organization to determine the champion of the universe. Little do they know that ex-Marine Nic Cage has come to break up the organization’s little party–and marry its leader.

* Nic Cage stars as some comic book character who hasn’t been done yet.

* Accomplished jazz composer and bandleader by day, street vigilante by night. Nic Cage is: Duke Killington!

* A former matinee idol seems to make horrible movie after horrible movie with no quality control over his career choices at all. Little does the public know, Nic Cage has discovered the secret to eternal life hidden in pieces across some of the worst scripts ever written. So when the rest of he world dies off one by one, only he shall be standing. AND THEY ALL LAUGHED!