For previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.
Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.
These are not necessarily bad songs–although that certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.
Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:
Yes, it’s St. Patty’s Day, so that means an all-Irish offering of inappropriate tunes. Sure n’ begorrah! Top o’ the mornin’ to ye, cleanup hitter!
* “Vengeance”, The Nipple Erectors
I toyed with putting a Pogues song here, but most of their tunes are so rollicking and good-timey (even the really depressing ones) that none of them really worked for this feature. So I had to go back to Shane Macgowan’s first band, The Nipple Erectors. This song is also kinda bouncy, but the lyrics are totally desperate and tortured and violent. Good ol’ fashioned snotty punk rock, but just a little too angry about real-life stuff, and therefore disturbing. A perfect exemplar of Irish Alzheimer’s: an exclusive ethnic condition that robs you of all your memories except your grudges.
* “Black Velvet Band” (traditional)
I’m including this song just to get something off my chest. This is a sad, disturbing murder ballad in the Irish vein. And yet, it was repurposed for use in The Wiggles as a cute song about a prince looking for his fair princess (which I know because The Baby demands to watch The Wiggles ALL THE TIME). Listen to this song and tell me if this is appropriate for a kids show. Or as walk up music, either. And tell me what would possess you to even CONSIDER using this song on a kids’ show.
* “Vertigo”, U2
Why is this inappropriate? Because we heard this song 12 times a day for 3 years and WE NEVER EVER NEED TO HEAR IT EVER AGAIN.