NFL to Monitor Excessive Offseason Celebrations

Thumbnail image for sbxlv.pngDALLAS–NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell warned members of the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers that he would closely monitor excessive celebrations this offseason. Players have been cautioned that should be respectful when enjoying the fruits of their hard-won victory between February and September.

“Members of the NFL’s competition committee will be keeping a close eye on the Packers from now until training camp,” Goodell said during an on-field postgame press conference immediately at the end of regulation. “We want to ensure that all post-Super Bowl celebrations are tasteful and sportsmanlike.”

Under new NFL excessive celebration rules, each player on the winning team is only allowed to hoist the Lombardi trophy once, and only “with both arms, at a height not to exceed two inches above the top of the head.” Players are also limited to “the spraying of no more than two bottles of moderately priced champagne, at a radius of no more than 1.5 feet away from the player’s person.”

But the regulations do not stop at the post-game locker room celebration. “Players are reminded that homecoming celebrations after the Super Bowl should be limited to one dinner with immediate family members at an NFL-approved chain restaurant,” Goodell noted. “Your NFLPA rep should have a list of such restaurants handy. You are also limited to one vacation, domestic only, not to exceed two weeks, preferably at an NFL-sanctioned family resort.”

The Packers made clear their compliance with their new rules. Players celebrated on the field by exchanging hearty handshakes, but no hugs (which could have resulted in severe penalties). Coach Mike McCarthy announced that upon returning to Green Bay, the team would commemorate their win with a trip to CiCi’s Pizza. In preparation for a victory parade, Jim Schmitt, the town’s mayor, has submitted all confetti to the league office to make sure it meets regulation ticker-tape standards.

The NFL instituted the excessive celebration rules last year after it was discovered that some Saints players had used their offseason to throw large parties for family and friends. At these revels, voices were reportedly raised and laughs rung out at levels described by witnesses as “kind of loud”. Other players took pictures of themselves with the Lombardi trophy that showed, in the words of Goodell, “an inordinate amount of joy and self-satisfaction.”

“Winning the Super Bowl is a privilege, not a right,” Goddell said. “Teams who forget this will face suspensions, loss of draft picks, and my scornful, icy glare.”