Tim Tebow Focuses on Your Family

tebow.jpgTim Tebow here, Heisman trophy winning quarterback and future NFL backup tight end. I want to use this extremely expensive chunk of Super Bowl commercial time to tell you an important story. Because I’m a giver.

The story goes like this: When my mother was pregnant with me, she was told by her doctors that she had a life-threatening health condition. Giving birth to me could have severely harmed her, even killed her. She was faced with a terrible, terrible choice no woman should ever have to make.

That’s why I’m teaming up with Focus on the Family to make sure no woman has to make that choice again. No, not by helping to find cures for women’s reproductive diseases, silly! I mean by banning abortion once and for all. Then, the choice will already be made for all women!

You see, life is precious, especially the life of an unborn child. It’s more precious, in fact, than the life of the mother carrying that child, even if–nay, especially if–giving birth to that child will kill her. Why? Because of an incredibly complicated bit of celestial calculus. God’s math is different from our earthly, sinful math. It is not up to us to judge God’s math. Because unlike you and me, God doesn’t have to show all his work.

Focus on the Family is an organization that does just that: we focus on the family. All families. We focus on every single detail of every single family. Where they work. How they raise their children. What TV shows they watch. Who they vote for. It’s a big job, but somebody has to do it!

We also want to teach the families we focus on to pay that focus forward. By focusing on neighboring families, for instance. Scrutinizing them. Reporting suspicious families to the proper authorities. Of course, many of the family transgressions we want to focus on aren’t illegal. But don’t worry, we’re focusing on fixing that, too.

We also know there are some untraditional “families” out there, too, headed by single parents and other heathens. We don’t really consider them families, but don’t worry, we are definitely focusing on them. And we encourage all of our members to focus on them, too. Long and hard, and harshly. Hopefully, your intense, unblinking focus can focus those people right out of your god-fearing town!

Finally, I want to thank CBS for having the courage to not bow to public pressure from liberals and other hell-bound folks, and show this ad. I also want to thank CBS for having to courage to bow to pressure from groups like Focus on the Family and not air that gay dating site ad.