Is somebody honking outside? Jesus, it’s 7 in the morning. Oh, that’s right, I gotta go to Florida today. That must be the cab to the airport. Well, better quick throw some stuff in the suitcase. T-shirts, undies, a couple button downs to hit the clubs in. What the hell, guess I’ll bring my glove in case anyone wants to play catch…
FUCK! I FORGOT TO GET A PITCHER! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
God, I got this assignment before winter break even started, and now it’s already over! Where the hell did all the time go? There was Thanksgiving and Christmas and then I went on the ski trip to Canada to pick up Jason Bay, and then I got Bioshock 2, and the next thing I know, it’s springtime and JESUS H. FUCK, WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO?!
Hey, ma? Do we have any pitchers left over in the garage?
Are you sure?
Ma, Steve Trachsel doesn’t count! Fine, maybe I WILL look for one myself!
Fuck, it’s too late to find a pitcher now. WHAT DO I DO?!! I’M SUPER CRAZY FUCKED! I’M TOTALLY GONNA FAIL MY GENERAL MANAGER CLASS!
Alright, Omar, calm down. Just think this through. Maybe you don’t need another pitcher. You have Santana, and he’s money in the bank. John Maine looked good when he came back from injury last year; maybe he’ll finally be healthy. Yeah, and maybe Mike Pelfrey will bounce back. And maybe Oliver Perez will…fuck…maybe he won’t fall into an open manhole. And we have some decent options for fifth starter. Yeah, we could make this [pitching staff work, with a solid infield behind it…
FUCK! I FORGOT TO GET A RIGHT SIDE OF THE INFIELD! FUCK BALLS ASS COCK FUCK!
Chill, Omar, chill! Catch your breath! Luis Castillo had a good year last year. Sure, he can barely hit the ball out of the infield, but he could be a good #2 hitter behind Reyes. And Dan Murphy…well, it’s too soon to write off a guy like that, right? Dude definitely works hard. And who knows? If he doesn’t work out, maybe Mike Jacobs or Chris Carter does. Or maybe Ike Davis forces his way onto the major league roster. Weirder things have happened.
Okay, it’s not the prettiest looking team, but if pick up some oaktag and scotch tape at the airport, I might be able to slap the whole thing together in time for spring training. Yeah, we can score some runs, and field the ball, and if we can get the ball to K-Rod…