Sure, we’re not trash-talking the Steelers like we did the Patriots, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get motivated for this game. My tactic is tell my team that Pittsburgh is full of bad guys. Like really, really bad guys, and we gotta get em and throw em in jail.
What kind of bad guys? I dunno, maybe bank robbers, or ninjas. Every time you tackle them, they get one Jail Point. If you tackle somebody 10 times, they gotta go to jail. Jail is either gonna be the locker room or this really big rock. We haven’t decided yet.
And I’m gonna tell my men that the hash marks are deadly poisonous snakes, and if you step on em, you’re dead. And also the end zone is lava, but if you go in there while holding a football, it can’t hurt you. Oh, and you’re totally safe if you’re standing on the sidelines, but if someone comes off of the field and touches you, you have to stay frozen for like five minutes.
Why are we gonna win this game? Because we got a great defense, we got a great ground game, we’ve got a lot of last-minute wins under our belt, and also the commissioner told me totally get a pizza party if we win this game.
What’s that? Ben Roethlisberger called no-backsies-no-givesies? You can’t do that before the game starts! That butthead!