Warm Thoughts for a Cold Winter: Steve Phillips (or Lack Thereof)

For other Warm Thoughts for a Cold Winter, click here.

Last night, I finally took a tour through my site’s stats for the first time since I did a ground-up reboot in December 2008. (My first “new” post was on December 7, a date which will live in infamy.) I was surprised by two things. The first was the amount of unique hits I’ve gotten since then (which I won’t reveal because I’m afraid it’s not actually a big number at all and you’ll all laugh at me).

For the first time, I saw concrete, non-anecdotal evidence that people are reading this thing. So thank you, mostly anonymous well-wishers. I am truly grateful. I’m pretty sure at least 55% percent of you aren’t pron bots, and those of you who are have been very tasteful about your Britney vids and bang buses.

So I dug deeper to suss out some other details hitherto unknown to me. For instance, the most often used term on this site is “Tom”, thanks to The Best Show Logs, which reference that name quite frequently. The four next most popular keywords are “scratchbomb”, “christmas”, “joe”, and “baseball”. Where does “joe” come from? Your guess is as good as mine.

phillips2.jpgBut what really knocked my socks their ass? The number one search term on this site since its reboot a year-and-change ago: STEVE PHILLIPS. Yes, that Steve Phillips. Ex-Mets GM, ex-Baseball Tonight “analyst”, current unemployment line occupant. I knew I’d raked him over the coals a time or two on this site, but I had no idea my not-at-all disguised contempt for him would be so popular.

Granted, this could very well mean nothing. Because I also discovered that the top three search terms of the last week were “rudolph the red-nosed reindeer”,  “danzig”, and “shaved dick”. This last one baffled me, but a quick Google search by the wife showed me that I have a post with one sentence ending with “shaved” and the next with “dick”. I sincerely hope this is the explanation, because if it isn’t, I don’t want to know what the real one is.

Nevertheless, seing Steve Phillips’ name so prominently featured caused me to grumble about his feckless, agenda-driven analysis. But then I remembered: We won’t have to see Steve Phillips at all this year!

Yes, now that the hair-helmeted philandering douchenozzle has been kicked to the curb by ESPN, we won’t have to hear him expound on how much he knows about baseball and how to build a winning team. You know, all those things he failed miserably at when he was the GM of the Mets. With Phillips gone, ESPN’s baseball coverage upgrades from Unwatchable to Merely Insufferable.

And who’s in his place at The Worldwide Leader this year? None other than Bobby Valentine, the genius manager who was run out of New York when he couldn’t cover up for Phillips’ failures. Oh sweet irony!

I don’t know about you, but this thought caertainly warmed me up this cold January morn.