Philly Takes It on the Road

Somewhere in the Dominican Republic:

/ding dong

reyes.gifWho is it?

jroll.jpgWho is it?! World effin’ champions, that’s who!

hamels.jpgYeah, and we’re here to tell you that the Giants are goin’ DOWN on Sunday!

reyes.gifI don’t think the Giants play again until April.

jroll.jpgPfft! You thought we were talking about San Francisco, you DUNCE?! No, we’re talking about the NY Giants. Or should I say, the NY TINIES, because they’re gonna feel two feet tall once they get stomped by the IGGLES!

hamels.jpgHow bout dem birds, baby? The firm leadership of Donovan McNabb! The explosive running game of Brian Westbrook! The competent blocking of L.J. Smith! They’re gonna poop all over the Giants’ heads like a red convertible fresh out of the car wash!

jroll.jpgAllow me to imply that the following members of the Giants are gay: Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, Antonio Pierce, Phil Simms, Frank Gifford, Y.A. Tittle…

reyes.gifAre you talking about football? ‘Cause I don’t even watch football.

jroll.jpgSeriously? You don’t watch football? And you call yourself an American?

reyes.gifNo, because I was born in a foreign country.

you better stop watching that dumb soccer or jai alai or whatever it is
you people watch and take in some football this Sunday, because the

reyes.gifMaybe they will, maybe they won’t. I don’t really care either way.

we are thoroughly bad mouthing your city! Stick up for your boys! Don’t
you want revenge on Philadelphia for what we did to you?

Giants aren’t my boys, and what they do has no real impact on the
entire city of New York. It’s too diverse and there’s too much stuff
going on for all 8 million people to care about a football game. Even
if the Eagles do win, that just means they won. It has nothing to do
with which city is better or worse.

jroll.jpgWhat are you, high? It has EVERYTHING to do with which city is better. What does a city have except for its sports teams?

reyes.gifArt. Business. History.

jroll.jpgWell, yeah, but besides all that.

reyes.gifEthnic communities. Local traditions. Food. Fashion.

hamels.jpgMaybe your
stupid sissy city has all that stuff going on, but Philly’s all about
sports! Sports sports sports! You just can’t stand the fact that thanks
to our World Series win, Philly has DEFINITIVELY and DECISIVELY proven
its superiority over the city of New DORK.

jroll.jpgWow, that’s a good one. Did you make that up?

hamels.jpgNo, I heard Harry Kalas use it once.

we collapsed two years in a row, and you won a World Series. You
attained the absolute top achievement possible in our sport. Why
doesn’t that make you happy? Why are you constantly talking about the Mets
like you’re still obsessed with us? And why are you standing on my
porch yelling at me about a football game I have no interest in?

jroll.jpgBecause the IGGLES are gonna rock NY’s face until it almost looks as ugly as you!

hamels.jpgIs that your face or did your butt throw up?

reyes.gif/slams door

hamels.jpgLet’s go to David Wright’s house and taunt him, too!

jroll.jpgI dunno. You know how that guy is.
Later, in Virginia:

jroll.jpgGuess what, Wright? The Giants are going’ DOWN!

wright.jpgWow, that’s great! You wanna come inside? I just made a pitcher of lemonade and I’ve got a screener copy of Marley and Me!

jroll.jpgSee, I told you–this guy’s untweakable. It’s like trying to trash talk a Cabbage Patch Doll.

wright.jpgAw, thanks guys!

SB’s prediction: Giants 31, Eagles 15.