Mike, I wanted to clear the air about those book excerpts…
Zip it, stoolie. It was bad enough you bad mouthed Brian Cashman, but I can’t believe you betrayed the confidence of your players. That’s just weak.
But Mike, like I told Brian, it’s a literary device…
Maybe that crap works on Cashman, but I went STANFORD, ok?! I am a very educated man and I’m not going be fooled by any verbal trickery on your part involving literary devices. All of which I am quite familiar with, thank you very much.
So you won’t believe me when I tell that it’s okay because the book employs the third person.
No, I shan’t.
Would you believe apostrophe?
No, I wouldn’t.
Would you believe synecdoche?
No, I hated that movie.
Would you believe dramatic irony?
Would you believe heartbreak of the psoriasis?
That’s not a literary device, Joe, and there is nothing you can do to keep me from exacting my revenge upon you…
Uh, look over there, an umpire wants you to start pitching after you’ve taken slightly fewer warmup tosses than usual!
/sighs loudly, puts hands on hips
Wait a minute, I don’t need warmup tosses. I’m retired now! I’ve been bamboozled! TORRREEE!