Be It Resolved: Reagan May Have Existed

hillary.jpgI find it very troubling that Senator Obama would heap praise on Ronald Reagan, considering how devastating his policies were for our country’s neediest citizens.
obama.jpgSenator Clinton, that accusation is patently
untrue. If you look at my remarks in their full context, you’ll see
that I did not praise Ronald Reagan. I merely said that I’d had a
layover at Ronald Reagan Airport on my way to North Carolina.
hillary.jpgWell, I find it disturbing that you would fly
into Ronald Reagan Airport when Dulles is still a more than serviceable
obama.jpgThe record will show that I purchased a direct
flight from Detroit to Raleigh, but excessive turbulence forced the
pilot to make an unscheduled stopover in Washington. I admit that I
purchased a copy of Fantasy Baseball Preview at a newsstand
to pass the time while we waited for the weather to clear up. I have
been considering taking Joba Chamberlain as high as the third round
this year, a decision that I’m sure many of my fellow Americans are
wrestling with at this time.
hillary.jpgI believe you’ve displayed a tacit approval for
his presidency by your unwillingness to parachute out of the plane
before it touched down.
obama.jpgNothing could be further from the truth. I assure
the American people that if I’m elected president, I will constantly
refer to Ronald Reagan as history’s greatest monster.

hillary.jpgYour policy simply does not go far enough,
because it supposes the Reagan administration actually occurred. Under
my presidency, all references to the years 1981 to 1989 would be
stricken from the history books.
obama.jpgIt’s that kind of extremism that’s driving voters
away from the Democratic party. Surely we can just vilify the Reagan
presidency at every conceivable opportunity.
hillary.jpgSo you actually believe the Reagan presidency occurred?
obama.jpgI believe that there was a time called the 1980s
that may or may not be referred to as the Reagan Era which probably but
not necessarily refers to the man that could have been kind of the
president back then, maybe.
hillary.jpgThe fact remains that mentioning something out loud means that you love it. For instance, if you said “farts”…
hillary.jpgOh my god! You said farts! That means you love farts!
edwards.jpgUh, guys, I’m pretty sure the Reagan years happened. I remember some
horrible hair, and Phil Collins, and guys wearing blazers with rolled
up sleeves and jeans.
hillary.jpgNobody asked you, Jethro.
obama.jpgYeah, go chase an ambulance somewhere.
edwards.jpgI’m just pointing it out. I just Googled Reagan and got, like, a million hits. He’s got a Wikipedia page and everything.
hillary.jpgWhy are you still here, Howdy Doody? It’s not like you can win.
obama.jpgThis ain’t Little League, you know. We don’t have to let you have an at bat every inning.
edwards.jpgI can totally win! The American people are ready for change!
obama.jpgIf by “change”, you mean “another doughy white guy”.
hillary.jpgYou’ll be handing out lots of change when you
finally throw in the towel on your sorry-ass campaign. Down at the
7-11, where you’ll be working behind the counter.
edwards.jpgI’m a well-respected attorney! I have a law degree!
hillary.jpgMaybe you can use it for a blanket when you’re living out of a cardboard box.
edwards.jpgYou do not talk to me like that! I have a nice house! I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!